Am I still pregnant?

Well, of course I still am, and yes, I, of course, am the first to know the answer to that question.  But, as I feel like I have dragged out this pregnancy for not only my immediate family, but for everyone around me, now that we are 5.5 days out from the due date, it's so close, the question I get is "Are you still pregnant?"  "Has that baby come out yet?".  No, not yet.

I can't BELIEVE how close this baby is cutting it.  However, with that said, this baby and the impending birth has been pretty textbook, just like Joseph.  All the signs and symptoms of labor have been completed, without the actual onset of labor, just like Joseph.  I'm more uncomfortable and there's definitely more pain with this one, but in terms of how I feel like it will go, I feel like it will go just like Joseph did.  Later in the evening, there will be some "pressure" and we will wake up in the middle of the night ready to go.  I really don't think that even though this is the second one, that the labor will be any quicker or easier than the first.  I bet it's the same.  Certainly feels like it!

5 days out and now, I'm wondering if July 2nd will come and go?  At the same time, I'm wondering if only mere hours or days away the baby will come before.  Guessing games are the worst.  I hated 20 questions and I never really cared for "Guess Who?".  Battleship, was also frustrating.  

I have, in a panicked desire, have tried to put together some sort of "plan" that can be blown to smitherines, on option A) Baby arrives this week, before July 2nd and option B) Baby arrives on July 2nd and option C) Baby arrives after July 2nd and at that point I don't really wanna just hang out and look at squeezing out a watermelon instead of a larger canteloupe.

Now, every little pang that happens gets scrutinized, what's this?  Is this leading to something?  Is this when we have the baby?  Everyday, like today, Hmm, a birthday on June 26th, a Sunday, I like that even date, sounds like a good day to have a birthday.  June 27th, a Monday, hmmm, I hate Monday's, I don't want this kid on a Monday, or June 27th, I don't like that odd number.  Then I think about the 28th through the 1st and think how painfully close that is to the pay off that, if the baby chooses to come then I'll be shaking my head in disbelief, for years.  The closest photo finish, ever.

Did I mention how prophetic I think the actual baby's due date is?  Joseph's is 2.1.07, #2 would be 7.2.11, the numbers all kind of match, I didn't' realize this until recently, and that small tiny part of me that likes to sometimes believe in superstition, likes to think that these numbers are all related and it is fate for this to actually work out.  It has to work out, the numbers are tied together.  But as I write this, I envision June 30th, holding Baby #2 and thinking about how silly I was to even think that we might actually realistically make the 7.2 date and, regardless of numbers "matching", this baby is going to come whenever the hell it wants to.

I'm doing a lot of crazy analyzing and thinking recently, I mean, what's a gal to do in the mere days/hours leading up to an impending birth, but, over analyze every possible situation, it's implications and then blog about it?

As I get into starting this last week before the baby, my last 5 days at work until my leave is over, I need a game plan to mentally get me through another 1-6 nights of less than 4 hours of sleep, with only probably about 20-40 minutes at a time, going to work, completing whatever the hell it is that I can complete with any kind of purpose knowing that whatever it is I try to staret/complete may have to be ditched at any moment and activities to occupy my mind throughout it all.  Should we car pool this week?  What's for lunch?  How can I avoid stress?  Do I have everything packed?  What if it happens all of a sudden, too fast, we haven't brought our stuff to the hospital and we didn't get a chance to call people and the baby has arrived?  Did I leave my car at work?  

I need a game plan, badly.

Option A)  Baby arrives this week, before July 2nd.

Sigh.  It was bound to happen, just accept it, I won't get to finish out the work week, I'm sure there will be two or three major projects left unfinished, and I of course, miss the payout.  That seems most logical and likely.  Good news is I won't get to finish out the work week, which, I am for the most part, dreading.  I am obviously needing some kind of daily rewards or mini milestones to mentally staying positive and working towards the end of the week....

Option B)  Baby arrives on July 2nd.   Friday, I leave work early, schedule a massage, mani and a pedi, arrive home high-fiving Mr. and Miniature Mr. Price, congratulating myself and my baby for being so well behaved and making the deadline and then spending all Saturday trying to induce labor, because the "dates and numbers match all so well" and at that point, having a baby any time is perfect, I'm ready physically and mentally (as much as I can be for #2).  

Option C)  Baby arrives after July 2nd.  WTF?  Surely anytime after the 2nd or the third is completely unlikely?  Who actually thought I would get here?  Not me, not anyone.  My midwife can induce on July 4th, but I really don't want a July 4th baby, sorry America, but I really don't care for an independence day birthday at all.  So what then?  I go back to work on Tuesday after the Monday and work in a "middle earth/limbo"  situation?  No thanks.  Looking at anything other than a naturally happening labor doesn't sound like something I will have to run into, but it's hilarious I'm here thinking about it anyway.  Option C is definitely a "we will cross that bridge when we come to it" situation.  Likelihood = slim to none.

A) B) or C).  Worst Multiple choice test ever.  B is a win, but any answer is correct.

Dammit.

The race is on.

38 week check up today.

Officially one week and 5 days until my original EDD of July 2nd and my 3K pay off.

Good News Today.  Midwife checked and I believe her statement was something to the affect of: "Baby is ready, but looks like you're not."  Without getting into the gruesome details, things are NOT dilating or thinning.

Midwife's prediction is that we make it to July 2nd.  

She even said that at my next appointment we can start talking about induction.

INDUCTION?

I almost forgot that I was naked from the waist down and threw my arms up in the air and jumped for joy, I was so excited at the news.

I immediately started day dreaming about the many weeks I would take from work, the beach vacation, and all the promises I have been leading my unborn child along with, that I would need to somehow now fulfill.

So, looks like everything is tucked up nicely, calm, not yet ready to make an appearance.  I'm thrilled. I'm the only pregnant person on the planet that's as routinely miserable as I am, that is still THRILLED to be pregnant and continue to be pregnant for the near foreseeable future. It's given me a small sense of relief that is only slightly nagged with the feeling that I shouldn't get over excited as it is all too possible that anything could happen at any day.  But, it looks like that ISN'T going to be the case.  Fingers crossed.

Next appointment is on the 28th and if I make it to then, I really feel like it's going to be clear sailing from then on.  I'm rewarding a July 1st and still pregnant day with leaving work early (haven't yet informed the boss of this..) a massage as a present from Mr. Price (haven't yet informed him of this either) and spa pedicure and a spa manicure.  That's motivation.

I'm willing to bet the baby decides on June 30th or July 1st though.  I bet it comes so close I'm kicking myself later.

But, at least for now, there seems to be more hope than not.  And through all these sleepless nights, that's something that can really keep me going, when I'm just taking it day by day and some days, hour by hour.

Setting myself up

It's always a problem when you possess two "oxymoronic" personality traits such as laziness and high expectations and thus you end up setting yourself up for some kind of fabulous unexpectedness or total dissapointment.

July 2nd has been Baby Price 2.0's EDD (Estimated Due Date) since the very beginning, I've ignored all "measuring farther ahead" and "June 20th" altered due dates at any appointments and focused solely (insert high expectation here) on July 2nd and only July 2nd and total refusal to accept any alternative.   Except after July 2nd.  That would also be OK.

See, due to pretty crappy benefits that are offered under my short term disability plan at work, knowing that we would want to have a second baby, I searched for additional coverage so that when Baby 2.0 was going to come out, perhaps it would be a more financially comfortable setting knowing that I am HORRIBLE at saving (laziness) but always want a beach vacation every year (high expectations) ..that doesn't happen.  So I enroll in extra benefits through Aflac that become effectice September 1st, 2010.  I sign in July, after seeking additional benefits since May and September 1st is the effective date.  For this particular policy to "pay out" under PREGNANCY, the policy must be effective for a minimum of 10 months.

This particular policy will pay out somewhere around the 3K range.  Pretty nice if I can swing it.  That was the plan.  My high expectation was to be comfortable on maternity leave, my laziness has lead to possible disappointment.

Let's do some math now.

9/1/10 + 10 months = 7/1/11

My EDD for Baby 2.0 = 7/2/11

Tiny non existent font type and size disclaimer "cannot deliver baby on or before July 1st, 2011 in order for policy to pay out."

So, in summary:  (Hesitating 5 months to get additional coverage) laziness + high expectations (that the plan will actually pay out for me on this probability) = awesomeness ($3,000 of additional comfort and bliss while recovering from deciding to have a second child)/fail (no additional $3,000).

>7/1/11 = $3K

<7/1/11 = $0

I really know how to cut it close don't I?

I'm two weeks away from EDD at 38 weeks or, 2 weeks to go.  Joseph was born on his original due date, so, statistically speaking, I have a higher likelihood of delivering Baby 2.0 on my due date, when you don't take into account how the baby has been measuring somewhere in late June delivery date or that this is my second child and these second babies tend to just "walk right on out of there."

Every little twinge, or tightness, symptom or sign, I get an "oxymoronic" gush of feelings, excitement that "this could be it", followed by "oh shit, not for another x days."

I've toyed with the above odds of the actual result being that I get the pay out, the baby is born on July 2nd (or later) and I get to live on maternity leave under "unexpected/expected awesomeness."  

The odds aren't good.

And everyday that I get closer to my $3K and July 2nd, I get just that little bit more anxious.  It's harder to deal with, so close, but yet so far.

I talk to the baby a lot.  I promise it wonderful things like an abundant supply of breast milk, lots of monochromatic geometric shapes to look at, fresh diapers on the hour, every hour, and it's very first trip to the beach with it's older brother.  I say calmly and soothingly "July 2nd, little one, July 2nd, it's so loud out here, it's so soft and warm in there... Just stay in until July 2nd or later and I promise I'll take you and your big brother to the beach, that he's been begging for since snowy mid-February."

I have totally set myself up.

It's likely that this little bundle of joy will appear minutes or days before the pay day, that's truly where the highest odds are.  But, I'm a gambling gal, I can't help but place that $5 "to win" bet on that one long shot, so that one day, just one day, I can cash out, leave early, ride that limo home from the race track, eat my steak dinner and have my creme brulee too.

July 2nd, baby.  July 2nd.  Fingers and toes crossed.  I'm also accepting any kind of hippie naturalistic dances and/or help from the occult, duct tape and keeping exercise to an absolute minimum (like walking from my front door to my car door.)

Having these dueling or completely conflicting strong personality traits is a problem, a 3K problem, that only Baby Price 2.0 can ultimately decide on which one wins.  "With great risk, comes great reward."  A 3K reward, to be precise.  Time to talk to the baby again, promises, promises.

Creativity and Crazy

Captain Random strikes again... you've been warned.

It's the same concept as to when you refer to someone as eccentric or crazy, if someone is rich, they're eccentric, if someone is poor, they're crazy.  If you know me, I'm crazy, if you don't, I'm still probably crazy, but I prefer to be classified as "creative".  I have a creative energy that I can't ignore.  See, I know it's a SIDE of my brain, but I haven't taken the time to google WHICH side of the brain it is, so I am going to just blurt out that the left side of my brain needs over stimulation compared to my right side, which probably holds such non-necessary functions as motor coordination and math skills.  I have skillz, but they certainly have nothing to do with a hypotenuse or anything google can't fix.

I need to be creative, it's in me and it has to get out.  I also like to rant, so the bloggersphere is the perfect ramblings outlet someone like me can indulge random trespassers and family members that need only one more reason to avoid me at the next family function.

One of the brilliant aspects of having an "energetic mind" as my self therapist once told me, is that creativity can hit at any moment, at any time, in short bursts or so much at a time you can't contain it all and wish you had five mouths and 8 hands to jot every cool idea you thought you had down at once.  Sounds a lot like manic depression..?  It probably is.  When I'm not creative, I'm not and I'm SOOO lazy, BUT, when I am creative I could live off that energy for hours, forget a lunch or two and wake up the next day with a mental hangover wondering what I did the night before, only to find random scribblings on post it notes and back of receipts that my brain tried to make sense of before the pig latin handwriting sped off 10 miles ahead of my thought process.  It's also like a hangover, "Why did I do that?", or you get a call from a friend, "Dude, what was the sh*t you were rambling to me last night about some great idea?  you sounded wasted!"  Wasted on Creativity or Crazy, depending on how you look at it.  Creativity can also give you the high/energy drive you think you needed to call an ex or try to patch up that friendship you thought you needed to at that time when you were happily in a creative "high".  Again, like everything drunk, including driving, it's a BAD idea.  Don't be creative while driving either, it's DANGEROUS!  I've one too many times narrowly avoided starting a massive 10 car pile up because I've been scrambling to write on my steering wheel on the back of a receipt, while talking to my mother on the phone.  Thank God for my Dragon dictation app, iphones and apps help overly "energetic" brains like mine, in the moments of dire need, release their creativity and communicate it in a semi-understandable way, so I can record my thoughts and text, facebook, email or skype myself with that information and make sense of it later when I'm not driving the wrong way down a one way street.

Sometimes creativity works out just right, the planets align and all that positive energy goes into something you and others can enjoy.  I've wanted to post this video for a while, and today, with all this energy to get out, seemed like the best day to do it.  Another 2am idea, scribbled down, worked out later sober and communicated to a team to execute.  I even made an appearance in the promo.  I didn't look too fat that day either, nice!

WARNING from the Surgeon General:  Creativity can strike at any moment, don't be in the way when it does, you might leave a little more crazy than before.