Human chorionic gonadotropin

That's the hormone that currently has my OB ordering an ultrasound, after two rounds of blood tests to see that everything is ok. It's funny, because in frantically searching the interwebs this afternoon, I read the non abbreviated version of hCG as "Human Chronic Gonads", or at least that's what it looked like to me at first glance.. go on, take another look at the words... there... you see it too eh? gonads... heh

So my levels are at 7,000 and the nurse said they'd usually like them to be at around 11,000 (according to how far along they and I say I am). Searching the internet sites showed me that I was perfectly within normal range at approximately 5 weeks. In fact, normal range at 5 weeks is up to approximately 7,380 hCG, so unless I told the OB the wrong date of my last period, or she wrote it down wrong, at first glance this all of a sudden ultrasound doesn't seem too bad.

Thank god for information overload on the intertubes, because not only could my "low levels of hcg" (and let's be clear, the nurse never said they were low, that was just IMPLIED) 7,000 hCG could mean:
1) nothing.
2) possible ectopic pregnancy or blighted ovum.
3) low levels, mean low levels and just monitor to make sure they rise throughout.
4) predictable miscarriage.
5) its a tumor.

Good news is that I'm not having any symptoms as all the forums describe, no spotting or bleeding, so that is a positive sign. BUT (there is always a BUT) I am having sharp pains if I turn suddenly, stand suddenly, cough or sneeze (sometimes). Not sure what the hell that could be - the tumor possibly?

Turns out hCG is also produced by some kinds of tumor. The tumor moved to my uterus, great. For those of you that don't know my severe hypochondria that has sensibly declined since it's hey days of high school, I used to (and still on occasion) think that I had a tumor. I had a headache, it was a tumor, I had pain, it was a tumor, I got a bump (from falling over drunk, but because I was drunk I had promptly forgot) and thought it was a tumor. This time it really could be, I COULD be producing some kind of freaky disease that produces the pregnancy hormone and I've got tumor and not a kid. Thank you wikipedia, I hate you. Scary thoughts. I am now sitting here over analyzing everything little thing about me, I do feel extra tired, my left side kinda hurts, my right knee has a weird twing to it, my skin feels extra dry...

I could sit here and let my thoughts drive me from the couch to padded walls, but I must be calm and let them figure it out tomorrow. SO tomorrow I do the ultrasound at 8:30am and they are going to see a sac or not, see a sac with something in it, or not, or see something else. And the else could be the tumor or the baby. So I will just have to wait and see, I definitely need that block of cadbury chocolate I KNOW Paul has hidden in the house somewhere. I get to pull the "I might have a tumor" card and get me some chocolate. I think I deserve it. Don't you?
Tumor card is on the table.
Husband is fetching chocolate.