Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Why? because....

Joseph is at the "why?" stage, ANYTHING we say, his answer is "why?" or rather his question is why... Why mommy? Why? Why? It is hilarious and often annoying, I try to explain to him the answers to his "why" but maybe he doesn't yet know why he is asking "why?". So I explain then he just keeps asking why and inevitably i end up saying "BECAUSE I SAID SO" Why? I'm YOUR MOMMY THAT'S WHY. Then - insert - distraction. Change the subject or the whys never end. ever.

Then today, he just started the "because" word. Well, because mommy, I want to. Because.... because.... why why, because because.... Ahh language development.

It is so sweet right now, because I ask "are you Mommy's baby bear" yeah, I'm mommys baby bear. "I love you baby bear". "uv you too mommy" Hugging me, saying he loves me is a new thing and it's really really cool.

We made a pathetic attempt at fall swim lesosns this year, he is NOT ready to swim by himself but maybe we might need to just go on and do that, I want to make sure he knows how to swim, I have constant fears of him drowning. Maybe it is all the time we spend around the lake. Since swim lessons we kinda bailed on (went to about 3 out of the 9 lessons) we are starting gymnastics tomorrow, Thursday nights. It should be great. We went to a test class a few months back and he loved it. He is tarting to tumble at home so I'm thinking actual exercise and activity will be good for him. Also it means more mommy and Joseph time and we get to go shopping or eat out together afterward. He's so fun. Joseph has such an easy going attitude, it's really awesome to spend time with him. yes he is not yet 3, but still a great time.

One more thing before I hit the sack. He calls Paul, "Paul" not daddy, but Paul. and in my accent. it is just adorable. We are teaching him our real names, like Rebecca (dahbeka) and Paul (Poal) Grammie (Debbie) Pops (Loe) Grandma - (tony-ann) and Papaw (Mate). So he knows who his family is if he gets lots or anything like that. We are also trying to have him memorize our home phone number as soon as that can happen the better! I get so wrapped up in, can he read, can he spell does he know his colors and forget about some of the everyday necessities it would be good for him to know if anything happens. His name, our names, his address and phone number. All common sense basic stuff, so if he knows that but doesn't know how to spell purple, I'll still take it as a win.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Roller coaster.

I was recently asked if anyone had ever told me I am like an elevator. Knowing exactly what that metaphor meant, I replied that I am more like a rollercoaster, the ups and downs can be scary whereas an elevator is more controlled. With the roller coaster, you also never know when it will end and there is a good chance that you'll throw up at the end.

This is not a roller coaster I'd pay to get on :) but one my husband married.

October "baby month" is bearing hard down on me. It has also rained for a straight seven days - today (Sunday) being the first sunshine in over 7 days has been refreshing. And like the clouds parting, so did the thoughts and stress on my mind and I decided that I can wait another year. If I don't end up waiting infinitely, I'd like the idea of having 2 kids, 2 kids each with a friend (for a little while at least) and each with a playmate and each at different stages. I am just not ready to give up the freedom I have with just one kid. life is plenty interesting with just one kid, there is not one solid good reason why I want to have another one right now, so I'm just not going to.
It is quite possible we could go on vacation next year, who knows where and I'd rather be with just Joseph and Paul then pregnant or newly pregnant.

It's also my 30th next year and I'm already paranoid enough about that "life is practically over when you turn 30" and I don't want to be dealing with a newborn and sleepiness and worried if I am spending enough time with Joseph. Joseph is talking, running holding conversations, yesterday was the firt time I have seen him use him imagination and actively play with participating toys and giving them specific roles to carry out. Sure he was telling the blocks to "stay there" and using his Handy manny tools to fix them, it was exciting to see him use the active imagination I once had that disappears somewhere between tween and teen, not sure where, it is probably still there is just gets eaten alive by the teenage anger and angst and the hormones probably bitched my imagination out of existence.

Joseph has always played well by himself, since he was a tiny infant I have left him alone in his room for short - long periods of time. It is fun to see him chatting to his things and imagining. He has entire conversations with us now. It is very exciting, his favorite book right now is "on the farm" because he has analyzed that book so much that he knows where everything is and he has found ever item that book asks him to find. It's funny, "find the red roose..THERE!" etc.. He ASKS for me to play "Sugar Lumps" in the car on the way home. It is now also my ringtone so whenever my phone rings he finds it and yells "mummy, your phone!!!!" Why listen to Elmo when your kid can be cool and share fun songs YOU actually like?

Joseph is so active so aware and remembers everything that I can't watch TV that I like anymore while he is awake, so my tv life is suffering. I miss Californication, Dexter (was just getting into those) Family Guy and endless repeats of that, plus action and blowing up stuff.. blood and a little bit of violence. Just trying to shelter him for a little bit, but not too much, he'll figure out soon enough, so right now, innocence is bliss.

It is October, well in like 5 days. Birthday month, Halloween, no longer baby month and the holidays are upon me. I feel more calm going into the holidays now that this "baby pressure" I put on myself is gone. I still wonder if we should start trying again, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to. Up we go again....

Monday, September 21, 2009


If you are thinking about having another baby you'll catch yourself watching TLC's a baby story, finding articles on the internet about birth stories and trying to remember where you stashed all your "while I was pregnant last time" literature. Ever since Joseph was born Paul and I had always talked about the next one, whenever Joseph was about 2.5, I remember clearly about 2 years ago in April thinking only one more October until we start trying again. It is like the second baby has slowly crept up on us, every day I have thought about the second one. I can't do this, I can do this, I'm crazy, well I was crazy last time and I did it then. I'm not really sure I want another one, but I wasn't really sure about the first one either. I just know I didn't NOT want one, and that's how I feel again this time. It's just amazing how time has crept up on me. It is the middle of September and I've procrastinated about losing 10lbs since a year ago and if I'm going to do it, I've got about 6 weeks. B/c then I jsut need to get used to the idea of being fat and pregnant....again....
I remember LAST October like a "one year and counting bec..." oh god now it's like 4 weeks and counting bec... SHEESH!

WOW time has really escaped me. I can't believe I am on the cusp of getting ready to have another baby, already - Joseph is more than 6 months old? WTF? When did that happen?
Time seriously needs to slow down, just a little bit. I'm enjoying Joseph so much I don't want to take away from that, I don't want to be too vomitus that I can't make him oatmeal in the morning, I don't want to sleep through his latest effort at a one man band marching band. Oh I can think of a million things I have to lose out on this time around.
Last time I could be vomitous and miss an episode of BSG oh well thank god for DVR. Or I could sleep through an entire lunch break - who needs food while you're pregnant anyway, the baby is going to take what it wants and then make you throw up the rest anyway. NOW I've got Joseph, I don't want to miss out on anything. And THEN I don't want to be distracted in my pregnancy, see second time around I get to do it all right, know exactly what to expect and do it better, do it MY way.

What if I can't eat all the chocolate I want to this time? What if I don't lose all the baby weight as quickly as I did last time? What if I actually have problems? What if we have a girl?

Mostly I just cant' get over how it is time, it is time now when we said we would try for another one. Already. Panic.