That's an average Louisville to my home trip and the sights that are seen. So much roadkill. And always, one white sneaker, I suspect always the right foot as well.
And 123 semi trailer trucks.
The B&J of the PB&Js said goodbye to our "P" at the airport and on our way home as I decided it was time for Joseph to grow his love of Ben Folds music, we both jammed to the LIVE CD and I couldn't help but notice how little there was to notice on our way home. Everything is brown and dusty dry from the lack of rain and it is unseasonably warm, so the only visual color was the red splash of cars and carcasses across the roads and the one white sneaker.
I always look for the lonely sneaker's partner. But I never see the left shoe.
And it's always just one sneaker.
Lone, shoelaces all spastic and awry, white and athletic. Who loses a single white sneaker? What was it doing or where was it at it's time of departure onto the rough interstate roads? Having NEVER lost a (one only) shoe, except that one time I had donated a less trendy pair of shoes to the local Goodwill and couldn't find both shoes of the pair so, donated one, then when I was to find the other I would donate it too, only that didn't happen for some time, so when I saw the other shoe I had forgotten that I had donated it's other half and started tearing apart my closet to empty and frantically find the pair of shoes that would ONLY go with what I was wearing and nothing else, thrashing around in tears until finally, I realized two days later that I had donated the one shoe some time ago, all by itself. Why did I donate just one shoe? I thought I'd find the next one in the next day, and then I'd drop it off in enough time for the shoes to be sold as a match. Not so.
Sorry, Goodwill, for being one of "those" donors. "Those" donors that give you old toasters with melted pop tarts still in them, underpants (I mean, really who wants those USED?) - "those" donors think someone does.. shudder, and of course one of "those" donors that leave behind one shoe and not the other along with along witha toilet lid ocover and matching mat (not I, I swear on that last one).
Does that one white sneaker belong to a particular sub class of drivers/passengers that I particularly despise? The ones that drive or ride with a leg/foot stuck all the way out their window as they cruise at 45MPH +, did it just fly off their right foot in the passing wind? Was it too late to pull over and get the shoe, was traffic too heavy to try to stop? Who drives/rides with a foot stuck all the way out a window? Don't you know what happens to a person strapped into their vehicle riding in the correct upright position with tray tables secured when their car flips and crashes with another? They get all mangled, and their stuff, ain't never the same. What do you think is going to happen to your ONE LEG? your ONE FOOT? and your ONE WHITE SNEAKER? that is hanging out the window as you enter the path of an oncoming vehicle or deer? It's going to get lost on the side of the road, and your stuff, particularly your right lower appendage, isn't ever going to be the same. (not to mention your junk) Didn't your mother ever tell you not to do that? NOT to look like a moron in public? Mine did. Not that it helped much, I still manage to look like a moron regularly in public, but not by doing stupid things like hanging my foot/leg out a driving car window, that one I listened to.
Put your leg back in your vehicle, or that one white sneaker is going to have a human foot stuck in it, and the EMT will be too busy trying to find your LEG that he'll forget all about your one white sneaker on the side of the interstate.
That's how they get there. Next time you see a single white sneaker on the side of the road, double check to make sure there isn't a foot inside. It could belong to that guy that used to ride in his cousins "not so street legal" redneck version of a monster truck.
As someone who's put a lot of miles on the Bluegrass Parkway, I can tell you, I have a 'friend' that has rather smelly feet and a strong passion for white K-Swiss shoes. Given how boring the ride is (think of all the blank Next Exit signs that are supposed to list attractions or restaurants), why not prop your smelly shoes precariously in each rear window to blow-dry them clean? Well, the right shoe falls into the emergency lane, the left shoe into the passing lane, where it is immediately destroyed by a speeding semi. That's what my friend tells me happens.
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