What in the hell do runners think about while running? Especially those long runs? I often credit myself with not liking to let my thoughts run wild because I am not sure where they will lead me, but even as I try to distract my mind with the occasional Lady Ga Ga and some ACDC I still find myself drifting away in thought, whilst simultaneously trying to push myself to keep going.
Here is what I think about whilst running, again, Deep Thoughts by Rebecca L. Price:
1) Hills eternally suck. I'm told by people "they get better with time and practice" I don't care, I could be a satisfied running never having to run at any kind of inclining angle ever again.
2) The sky is beautiful. It was pink and purple the other night, it was quite brilliant and usually is, even if it is raining on me, the sky is magnificient. I also wonder, how in the hell people once thought the world is flat? It definitely CURVES at the horizon. Maybe it's just because I KNOW that now though.
3) If you're going to spit, do it in people's "bonus yard". That's the yard that is closest to the curb, separated by usually the sidewalk. The bonus yard is the part of the yard that homeowners begrudgingly keep mowed because of homeowners association, but do nothing other than hold trash cans once a week and provide permanent placment for mailboxes. I've found that homeowners give you less of a shirty look if you spit or hock a loogey in that direction, versus the direction of their prized 30 year mortgage payment or carefully manicured yard.
4) Running is NOT for the self conscious. I look my worst when running, I'm sure, my face winces in pain as I climb that hill in micro stride all bent over, the sweat makes my hair curl up around my face, the sweat, all the bugs that stick to my neck and chest as I run... And there's nothing like looking at your shadow and seeing your thighs flap in the wind. Fashionistas say black makes you look skinnier, considering my shadow is ALL BLACK, couldn't my shadow at least pretend?!?!?
5) Kids laugh at you. Wondering why the hell you are running and all sweaty, adults are so weird. Don't worry little child, let me know how almost 30 is treating you in twenty years, maybe you've just entirely let yourself go watching another spin off of Tyler Brown's something or other and his cross dressing phenomenon.
6) Am I going to make it? Every. Single. Run. I think this. Twenty times.
7) Smile at people on your runs, especially when on foreign turf in another city. When you've finally met your demise as you have long suspected in your head and this run "does finally kill me", you want the elderly passer bys to come back across your cold dead body and feel sympathy and immediately help you as the "friendly young girl who ran passed me and smiled not too long ago" maybe they'll call 911 quicker.
8) ANYONE smoking a cigarette whilst walking outdoors makes me want to vomit whenI run through it. I've just run probably about 6 miles and am on my way home and I run through a cloud of smoke, no I will not turn to vomit in the bonus yard, I will turn to vomit ON YOU.
9) When I see no one around and "Shoot to Thrill" or "back in Black" comes on, I want to just slam on the brakes and break out in air guitar, heavy rock star style, while no one is watching, in the middle of my trail. Then innocently return to my run. No one saw that right?
10) I'm jealous of runners that have a dog as their partner. I'm lucky I MAKE time to fit in a run, how did they get time to train a well behaved dog that doesn't want to constantly cross your path and make you fall on your face? They also probably live in a bigger house. Bastards.
11) The guy that seemlessly passed me at warp speed on my run has probably just started. He isn't on his 7th mile, he's obviously on his first. riiight.
12) ACDC is great to listen to while running.
13) Sports bras are so wonderful.
14) Am I going to make it?
15) The smell of grilling burgers on an afternoon run is just brutal. Totally brutal.
16) How close to I get to passing this person before I look at them and nod my head in acknowledgment? 5 yards? 20 feet? Avoid eye contact until the last minute, you don't want to stare at them like a weirdo, put on your focused runner face and nod and smile just as you pass arms. There, that should do it. Way to bring your social awkwardness into a run. Way to go.
17) Thank god "Bust a Move" just came on, I needed that extra push. Young M.C. you are a godsend.
18) Why did FOX cancel Firefly?
19) I do not want to get up tomorrow and go to work.
20) Am I hungry or is that a cramp? Oh god I hope it isn't a cramp. I'm hungry, no wait... when did I eat last? I should't have had three milky ways from the vending machine. again.
Deep thoughts. Not very.
Awesome post. That flat earth thing is mostly a legend because it's just not epic enough of a story that Columbus sailed to an undiscovered land. Eratosthenes of ancient Greece estimated the size of the spherical earth using geometry and angles to the sun. Most educated people, especially navigators and cartographers, thought the earth was round by the time that Columbus set sail.
ReplyDeleteIf you could listen-in on mine you'd hear:
ReplyDelete1) counting, it's a drummer thing. 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4...1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3...
Whatever in my playlist comes up I arrange my step to that beat (unless the tempo is way too fast for my energy level) and count, count, count! On newer songs on my playlist that I don't know well my brain is figuring out the time signature and matching my movement to it. This is my default thing I do when nothing else comes to mind.
2) Wondering how much I should push myself without making my knees hurt more than the last time cause I know the after-effects suck (for me). I am rough on tools in my house and break shovels and saws, etc.. I could easily do the same to my body if I don't exercise some constraint while running.
3) Like you.. thoughts about staring on opposing runners coming from the other direction and when\how to offer acknowledgment. Also sometimes as I am running I randomly will feel the urge to pass gas and then debate the release schedule for relief. Should I bank on adjacent runners wearing headphones and just let loose or try to run ahead or fall way behind and mess with my time? What if it is the lingering type that wafts slowly through the fabric of my shorts? or is it worth trying to run far ahead to do it and maybe disrupt any stored stamina for the preconceived length of the run? If I hold it in will it back-up into my circulatory system and cause an air bubble that causes a blood clot causing collapse as I have a stroke on the track pavement?
4) Hey, that guy is building a wall of rock.. I wonder if he collected those stones himself\chipped them and is going off directions for masonry work online? I bet it is expensive to have a contractor build a wall like that. I wonder if I could do it. Construction ideas when I see someone else doing stuff like that enters my mind.
5) I will need dinner after I complete this run.. WTF should I eat? Hmm.. what's in the freezer and quick? Oh maybe something I have leftover in the fridge that will spoil as my wife doesn't like leftovers and I am the food garbage disposal in the household (so I will eat that). Oh maybe fast food instead? Well I just burnt a lot of calories.. do I want to give them up and eat 'naughty'? Then again I just burnt up a lot of calories, so it's not too bad to eat naughty. At least I also have the 30-45 minute drive home to come to some kind of decision on food.
6) I hate running through 3rd party cigarette smoke too.
7) Move your damn car off the sidewalk! Use your garage for your car and not your SHIT. I hate parked car obstacles covering the sidewalk. If you veer around you risk piles of dog poo getting on your shoes cause these bonus yards are often littered with piles of the fecal matter.
8) I hope I don't have 'tooth skin'\lip peeling from running with such a dry mouth. With me I get some kind of phlemmy build-up on my teeth. Then the thought crosses my mind I may have colored Koolaid stains in such flem skin showing, but the lack of moisture in my mouth and on my tongue means it has probably coated my teeth and I am smiling at people as I run by. I try to lick it away and am uncertain if I am obsessing about something that really isn't offensive.
9) No matter if I over-exert there's a hot tub waiting at home.
10) What TV shows will I have time to watch before bed. Keep in mind I need to start going to bed earlier too so there's some debate on what would give the most value in entertainment for the evening.
Nice farting comment Ben! LOL! It is that as well as burping for me, I just keep it going, no point in losing my stride, I'm already married and I doubt I'm going to get hit on whilst running. So I might as well make the most of it, the chances I pass these people again, are slim to none.
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