You know what really grinds my gears??

The Today Show. Matt Lauer IS glib. Don't get me wrong, Tom Cruise is 10 kinds of Scientology crazy, but Matt Lauer is a problem. Thank god he doesn't have a full head of hair, can you just IMAGINE how obnoxiously cocky this guy would be WITH a full head of hair?!? He is already so obviously self righteous and thinks he's so intellectually suprerior than all of his interviewees, you'd think that being so follicically challegend, that would mean a man to be a little less self assured, but in his case, his lack of hair only makes him totally obnoxious. A perfectly combed coiff, add a little salt and pepper to taste and Matt Lauer would need most televisions to be more than 16x9 in order to fit his ginormous head in.

Between Minnie Driver's GINORMOUS chisled chin and Matt Lauer's ego, TV screens are just an ugly step sister trying to fit in Cindy's shoes.

I mean really, what is this "Manhattan Island" that makes EVERYONE on this show, including producers (who write this whole thing) think everything that goes on there is the ONLY place where things go on? My FAVORITE episode, has had to have been where the Today Show Team "Go Green" by carpooling their limo service at, boo hoo, 5am to be ready to sit in a make up chair while hard working producers hand them scripts for a show and someone plugs in their IFB device (they probably don't even put them in their own ears). Carpooling a limo service? Amm, take a bus people, take the subway. I myself have been to 30 rock and know several train terminals around that area. Oh what was that Matt? Did you say you couldn't possibly go "underground" because that would be stooping below celebrity status? Well going green ain't pretty, and if you do it right, it isn't green at all, it's kind of stinky and more of a brown color.

Freaking today show, New York is NOT the center of the country or the World, but GOD FORBID don't tell anyone in New York that, they'd probably die of a trend setting mochachino, followed by the usual two finger dessert and Cedars Sinai approved coronary, while dressed to the 9s in their Jimmy Choo shoes (or whatever the fuck is in season this second) and DKNY 3 piece suit and mock vest or crappy themed outfit this fashion designers have these rich women swiping credit cards like 3 year old does at the check out line in true 5 finger discount style. Their last thoughts would have been "Did I look very Jackie-O in my sunglasses, oh dear I hope the maid remembers to dress me in my prada coat for the open casket and that funeral director KNOWS to put only MAX Factor make up, because that was STRICLY stated in my funeral wishes...."

No wonder children grow up to think that they are the center of the world and everyone lives in New York. I've been there, three times, and it's dirty, people are cranky because it's dirty and nobody knows how to drive, only the hired help, because cabbies there, are from another planet and they certainly don't know how to drive. Every cabbie there must have a terminal disease because driving like a maniac over pot holes that lead to the hell with a stop off in the subway at 42nd street, definitely calls for a background in murder-suicide plotting.

Could the Today Show cover any more topics that oculdpossibly be any less associated with ANYONE located under the household income of $500,000 a year? I think not. Here is how a editoral meeting goes at the Today Show.
Producer: "Let's do a segment on multi-tasking.." Anne/Matt: What's multi-tasking?" Producer: "Well, Matt, and by the way I must say that you look particularly sharp this morning and that recent trip tot he manicurist for some manscaping has done wonders for the smart business look you are giong for, no I'm not hitting on you, it's just a compliment because everyone knows talent like you need a good self esteem boost in the morning along with their espresso to work up the gumption to pucker up that smile on tv in your white collar job, while all the blue collar and brown collar job folk are getting ready to go to work outdoors or not even wathcing because THEY HATE YOU." "Multi-tasking is when you hold your script in your hands at the side interview set and you think about what question you are going to ask next while the interviewee talks and you try not to look like you are so dissinterested that you want to cram pencils up your nose until they pierce your brain and you pass out".
Anne (obviously realizing that the producer is particularly snarky this morning) "Matt, it's what your housekeeper does. You know, dishes and wiping the sink at the same time, stuff like that, hold on I've got to get on Twitter on my Blackberry so I can tell everyone what I am doing right now."

I really could go on, but even this is killing me, just to talk about it. I still tune in everyday though, just to see how more wrong this show could possibly go with quality interviews such as Dina Lohan and segments on organizing your shoes.
But I do watch, I do tune in that show.
I am a function of ratings and share, sam I am.