16 red cars, roadkill and one shoe.

That's an average Louisville to my home trip and the sights that are seen. So much roadkill. And always, one white sneaker, I suspect always the right foot as well.

And 123 semi trailer trucks.

The B&J of the PB&Js said goodbye to our "P" at the airport and on our way home as I decided it was time for Joseph to grow his love of Ben Folds music, we both jammed to the LIVE CD and I couldn't help but notice how little there was to notice on our way home. Everything is brown and dusty dry from the lack of rain and it is unseasonably warm, so the only visual color was the red splash of cars and carcasses across the roads and the one white sneaker.

I always look for the lonely sneaker's partner. But I never see the left shoe.
And it's always just one sneaker.
Lone, shoelaces all spastic and awry, white and athletic. Who loses a single white sneaker? What was it doing or where was it at it's time of departure onto the rough interstate roads? Having NEVER lost a (one only) shoe, except that one time I had donated a less trendy pair of shoes to the local Goodwill and couldn't find both shoes of the pair so, donated one, then when I was to find the other I would donate it too, only that didn't happen for some time, so when I saw the other shoe I had forgotten that I had donated it's other half and started tearing apart my closet to empty and frantically find the pair of shoes that would ONLY go with what I was wearing and nothing else, thrashing around in tears until finally, I realized two days later that I had donated the one shoe some time ago, all by itself. Why did I donate just one shoe? I thought I'd find the next one in the next day, and then I'd drop it off in enough time for the shoes to be sold as a match. Not so.

Sorry, Goodwill, for being one of "those" donors. "Those" donors that give you old toasters with melted pop tarts still in them, underpants (I mean, really who wants those USED?) - "those" donors think someone does.. shudder, and of course one of "those" donors that leave behind one shoe and not the other along with along witha toilet lid ocover and matching mat (not I, I swear on that last one).

Does that one white sneaker belong to a particular sub class of drivers/passengers that I particularly despise? The ones that drive or ride with a leg/foot stuck all the way out their window as they cruise at 45MPH +, did it just fly off their right foot in the passing wind? Was it too late to pull over and get the shoe, was traffic too heavy to try to stop? Who drives/rides with a foot stuck all the way out a window? Don't you know what happens to a person strapped into their vehicle riding in the correct upright position with tray tables secured when their car flips and crashes with another? They get all mangled, and their stuff, ain't never the same. What do you think is going to happen to your ONE LEG? your ONE FOOT? and your ONE WHITE SNEAKER? that is hanging out the window as you enter the path of an oncoming vehicle or deer? It's going to get lost on the side of the road, and your stuff, particularly your right lower appendage, isn't ever going to be the same. (not to mention your junk) Didn't your mother ever tell you not to do that? NOT to look like a moron in public? Mine did. Not that it helped much, I still manage to look like a moron regularly in public, but not by doing stupid things like hanging my foot/leg out a driving car window, that one I listened to.

Put your leg back in your vehicle, or that one white sneaker is going to have a human foot stuck in it, and the EMT will be too busy trying to find your LEG that he'll forget all about your one white sneaker on the side of the interstate.

That's how they get there. Next time you see a single white sneaker on the side of the road, double check to make sure there isn't a foot inside. It could belong to that guy that used to ride in his cousins "not so street legal" redneck version of a monster truck.

Already lazy like me

The baby is in there, at 6 weeks, we saw the heartbeat and it's sitting all comfortable, folded up in it's little doughnut. The ultrasound showed everything is fine, my hCG levels are just low, like other 10% of pregnancies that result in a perfectly healthy baby (of course only time will tell on this - but it is encouraging).

Junior is just being lazy, not producing hCG levels like the popular kids. That's ok mate, you just stay in there where it's warm and cuddly and take your time cooking, I like being lazy, plus, it's getting cold out, so I totally understand. Nothing like being lazy and cuddling up sitting by a fire all day or watching the telly, or in your case, listening to my underwater heartbeat and the food pass through my stomach and out my intestines where I'm sure my farts to you, are like point blank Vuvuzelas in your yet formed ears.

Junior is officially at 6 weeks along, doing just fine. The refrigerator on the other hand, is not. As if perfect timing when Paul is 5 days away from leaving for India for a MONTH, the fridge is not working properly, the freezer isn't keeping anything frozen and the fridge is cold but not as cold as it should be. It's making a low level whurring sound also. Not good. I'll be storing some of my goods between my work, Paul's mum's house and I'm sure (thought I haven't asked yet) Brad and Andrea's until we figure out the solution.

New fridge? Or fixable? I hope fixable. Even just 6 months would buy us some time and some money... but as I know how these things go, as they always do, it will be Hail Mary time and if that doesn't work out, it'll be time to drain money from somewhere. And by somewhere I mean, I have no idea where.

You know what, I'm just going to assume that something is going to happen to one of our cars so that I can once again, this year focus on money draining for Christmas, overseas visitors, trips and more things to FIX. ugh.

Junior is well though and so am I. That's good news. And it's Friday and I got paid today.

Human chorionic gonadotropin

That's the hormone that currently has my OB ordering an ultrasound, after two rounds of blood tests to see that everything is ok. It's funny, because in frantically searching the interwebs this afternoon, I read the non abbreviated version of hCG as "Human Chronic Gonads", or at least that's what it looked like to me at first glance.. go on, take another look at the words... there... you see it too eh? gonads... heh

So my levels are at 7,000 and the nurse said they'd usually like them to be at around 11,000 (according to how far along they and I say I am). Searching the internet sites showed me that I was perfectly within normal range at approximately 5 weeks. In fact, normal range at 5 weeks is up to approximately 7,380 hCG, so unless I told the OB the wrong date of my last period, or she wrote it down wrong, at first glance this all of a sudden ultrasound doesn't seem too bad.

Thank god for information overload on the intertubes, because not only could my "low levels of hcg" (and let's be clear, the nurse never said they were low, that was just IMPLIED) 7,000 hCG could mean:
1) nothing.
2) possible ectopic pregnancy or blighted ovum.
3) low levels, mean low levels and just monitor to make sure they rise throughout.
4) predictable miscarriage.
5) its a tumor.

Good news is that I'm not having any symptoms as all the forums describe, no spotting or bleeding, so that is a positive sign. BUT (there is always a BUT) I am having sharp pains if I turn suddenly, stand suddenly, cough or sneeze (sometimes). Not sure what the hell that could be - the tumor possibly?

Turns out hCG is also produced by some kinds of tumor. The tumor moved to my uterus, great. For those of you that don't know my severe hypochondria that has sensibly declined since it's hey days of high school, I used to (and still on occasion) think that I had a tumor. I had a headache, it was a tumor, I had pain, it was a tumor, I got a bump (from falling over drunk, but because I was drunk I had promptly forgot) and thought it was a tumor. This time it really could be, I COULD be producing some kind of freaky disease that produces the pregnancy hormone and I've got tumor and not a kid. Thank you wikipedia, I hate you. Scary thoughts. I am now sitting here over analyzing everything little thing about me, I do feel extra tired, my left side kinda hurts, my right knee has a weird twing to it, my skin feels extra dry...

I could sit here and let my thoughts drive me from the couch to padded walls, but I must be calm and let them figure it out tomorrow. SO tomorrow I do the ultrasound at 8:30am and they are going to see a sac or not, see a sac with something in it, or not, or see something else. And the else could be the tumor or the baby. So I will just have to wait and see, I definitely need that block of cadbury chocolate I KNOW Paul has hidden in the house somewhere. I get to pull the "I might have a tumor" card and get me some chocolate. I think I deserve it. Don't you?
Tumor card is on the table.
Husband is fetching chocolate.

Food Baby

I've always suffered from what I've affectionately referred to as my "food baby". It's when I eat just enough of anything that a 3 month "pooch" appears until I've worked or slept it off. It appears right after hearty lunch and stays with me until I put my pajama pants on and stare endlessly at the mirror wondering what is worse, my muffin top or my food baby, then I imagine how it will look when actually pregnant, actual baby, muffin top.

My muffin top disappeared with Joseph, that's because it was just stretching around my baby belly, not because it went away, it was still there, just stretched out. I'm just over a month pregnant and my 3 month food baby has appeared. Looks like my body is settling into pregnancy early and getting me used to the idea of being fatter for longer, second time around. I'd like to embrace this food baby or "preggo pooch", but, I didn't even have a bump first time until I was like 4-5 months pregnant. Now, I look 4 months and I'm just over 4 weeks. Let it go, Rebecca, let it go.

Still not suffering from any REAL pregnancy symptoms, no sickness, just gas (though that could have been the 3 bowls of chili I ate last night). It still doesnt' seem real, I wonder when it will, probably at the 12 week ultrasound appointment. But probably not then either, probably more like when I start puking or when I get fat.

Not much to report about pregnancy at this point, I know that I am, mostly everyone knows and the doctor said I was. SO I'm going to think about everything that will arrive all too quickly and what I'm most eagerly anticipating.

I'm looking forward to:

• My hair growing fast and long and thick, hopefully along with some stronger nails.
• Starting prenatal yoga and getting regular massages (like once a month) HINT HINT PAUL...and not the doting husband kind of massages, no offense honey, (still want those) but the SVEN kind of massages under a warm blanket at a massage therapy center that smells of beautiful oils and aromas.
• Swimming while hugely pregnant.
• Joseph seeing Junior for the first time. (I got tired of referring to the imminent baby as "your little brother or sister" all the time, so I asked Joseph what we could call the baby until we know what it is - we called Joseph Agador Spartacus, we knew he was going to be a boy and that name cracked us up, because we didnt' decide on Joseph's real name until 20 minutes after he was born. Joseph replied "...Junior." Junior it is.)

5 weeks in and 35 to go.