What's wrong with this image?

So much. 

So many, much things.

It's bothered me so much, that it's gotten me off my blogging hiatus, to rant about it, here.

Image introduction:

Courtesy, Verabradley.com

Ok, so firstly you are all like "What the hell is she doing on VeraBradley.com, and spending enough time to disect ridiculous stock images?".  You are spot on.  I've had a Vera Bradley (so not like me) addiction lately and have been monitoring sales so I can get their ridiculous old lady quilted bags at a better price, so, when I finally give up the goat and live like I complain, as an old lady, my look will be complete with a VB "go-around-tote".

2. Ridiculous woven tote for apple hauling, bad for your back, who hauls apples this way?

3. Too many apples in this ridiculous tote.  Making apple pies for the homeless, sweetheart?

4. Too many smiles, hauling ridiculous load of apples, in said, ridiculous tote.

5. Crossbody bag, on the WRONG side of your body, to be hauling ridiculous amount of apples, in ridiculous tote, totally would get in the way of your strong arm side carrying ridiculous tote with ridiculous amount of apples.

6. Ridiculous amount of apples from.....their backyard?!?  What apple oprchard has a perfectly sculpted walkway as you bring your riduclous amount of apples to your car?

7. Bringing apples to your car in this ridiculous tote, can only mean one thing.  Applesauce on your way home.  These are going to be projectiles in your car, if you drive like me, or drive faster than Miss Daisy for that matter. 

8. Matching red his and hers gingham button down shirts.  What?  Did you guys, like, walk into your matching closets and pull from the "happily married matching - matchy" section of your ridiculous ensembles?

9. Dude smiling hauling apples, this does NOT happen.  If this was a ridiculous tote filled with cans of BEER, this would be accurate.  This photo is in kin with elfin land, fairies and wishes like, more seasons of Firefly, that do no come true.

And there you have it, that's what really grinds my gears about this picture.  
That's what's wrong, in perfect, sarcastic, accurate detail, with this image.  
Also, I just "space jumped" the number of times "ridiculous" has been used in a blog post.  And I just made up a new way to reference the epic Baumgartner space jump, in a way that only partially makes sense.